The passing of common sense

Kintrra · Post by **Kintrra** » Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:34 pm

A little something I received in my e-mail.

Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental Consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a Band Aid to a student - but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

ScarlettPheonix · Post by **ScarlettPheonix** » Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:29 pm

I love it

Sounds a bit Mark Twainish to me too for some reason.

Pheonixhawk · Post by **Pheonixhawk** » Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:59 pm

Nicely done.

Keavy · Post by **Keavy** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 4:02 am

Its sad because its true.

Okuza · Post by **Okuza** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 4:31 am

ScarlettPheonix wrote:

I love it

Sounds a bit Mark Twainish to me too for some reason.

Sammy was the original Curmudgeon.

'Dunno why, but your reference to Clemens reminded me of this Why the Chicken Crossed the Road

IMHO, The best one is the Hemingway Chicken followed closely by the Seuss.

There needs to be a Twain Chicken. Here's my Steinbeck Chicken:

The chicken carefully looked both ways before approaching the dusty road. Painfully and slowly the poor foul tentatively plodded careful step after step. [... this would need to go on for a few thousand words ...] .. only to be run off the road by a farm truck trundling it's load of migrant workers to the fields.

Carefully, the chicken picked itself up and looked both ways before approaching the dusty road.

Vatrina · Post by **Vatrina** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:29 pm

Oh yes, Common Sense died about 20 years ago. Right around the time that first mother got thrown in jail for spanking her naughty kid. In the words of Jeff Foxworthy: "You can't even spank your kids anymore. Nooo, gotta give 'em a 'time out.' My dad would take 'time out' of his busy day to whip our ass."

Following Okuza's sidetrack to why the chicken crossed the road, I got this in an email a while ago, and I think these are better than the link.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know
if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either
against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of
the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road I am now against it!

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by
unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat
on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a
gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a
government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is
already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road
syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans
take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I
say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took
from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped
to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay --- isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the 'other
side'. That's what they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say
we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us
the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life
long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, -
and Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
chicken?

AL GORE
I invented the chicken!

THE BIBLE
And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS
THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much
rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

ScarlettPheonix · Post by **ScarlettPheonix** » Wed Jul 25, 2007 4:35 pm

Vatrina wrote:COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

Prrriceless!!!!

Post by **Sugami** » Thu Jul 26, 2007 12:00 pm

Damn you Colonel Sanders! That was going to be my lunch!

Don't know half of those people but it's all very amusing nonetheless

Pheonixhawk · Post by **Pheonixhawk** » Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:44 pm

Common sense died when Bush Got elected as president.

Kintrra · Post by **Kintrra** » Sat Jul 28, 2007 10:17 pm

Pheonixhawk wrote:Common sense died when Bush Got elected as president.

Logic would denote that it was already dead since he got in there to begin with. =X

Vatrina · Post by **Vatrina** » Sun Jul 29, 2007 10:14 pm

Sugami wrote: Don't know half of those people but it's all very amusing nonetheless

Most of them are major US political figures from the past 20 or so years. Can always look them up and read a little about their beliefs and policies and such if you don't understand their answers lol.

Post by **Alya Mizar (Tsybil)** » Tue Jul 31, 2007 6:11 am

Pheonixhawk wrote:Common sense died when Bush Got elected as president.

Oh no. Way before that.

Trust me.

Keavy · Post by **Keavy** » Thu Aug 02, 2007 5:55 pm

Vatrina wrote:
Sugami wrote: Don't know half of those people but it's all very amusing nonetheless
Most of them are major US political figures from the past 20 or so years. Can always look them up and read a little about their beliefs and policies and such if you don't understand their answers lol.

I swear Sug is the most ignorant Brit when it comes to Americana. I know other Brit's on my server who know a lot about America and its figures.

Guess Sug's just too British.

Post by **Sugami** » Fri Aug 03, 2007 11:52 am

Well to tell you the truth I am in a sense like Americans when it comes to world news, I just don't give a sh*t

Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to do British things; like drink cups of tea and eat bangers and mash, those kind of things, because I'm British.