FFXI Jokes

angelstar107 · Post by **angelstar107** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 4:51 pm

I decided it would be funny to start a thread of FFXI jokes. So.... POST! Do it now! oo;

A White Mage walks into a bar, and notices that a lot of the customers are nursing wounds from their recent battles. The White Mage uses Benediction and fully heals everyone in the bar! Not only is everyone healed, but they are instantly sobered up by the magic's healing effects.

Enraged at the fact that they lost the buzz they paid so much to get, the bar's customers surround the White Mage and beat him to death. One Warrior at the bar talks to another sitting next to him... "Well I'll be! That 2-hour really does always get them killed!"

___

A Rdm walks into a bar...

A White mage hold up his empty glass and shouts to the barkeep. "Refresh please"

Rdm without hesitation casts Fire III on the Whm and walks out.

Post by **Alya Mizar (Tsybil)** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 5:24 pm

A Galka strolls into a tavern and sees a Taru with his head stuck in a spitoon. After helping the poor little fellow out of his predicament, he asks "How did that happen?"

"I have no idea, a Mithra BST walked in, put some Noisy Cricket Broth and some Fish Oil Broth on the bar, all I said was 'Nice jugs.'"

Nobodyreal · Post by **Nobodyreal** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 6:24 am

A Dark Knight was walking through Port Jeuno one day when a little boy approached him.

"Are you really a Dark Knight?" asked the boy.

"I really am." replied the knight. "Would you like to wear my helmet?" The Dark Knight put his helmet on the little boy's head and the boy ran around happily until he ran into a Dragoon.

"Wow! Are you really a Dragoon?"

"I sure am. Would you like to shine my boots?" The Dragoon replied.

"Oh no, sir." replied the boy. "I'm not really a Dark Knight, I'm just wearing his helmet."

Chaoskitten21 · Post by **Chaoskitten21** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 6:45 am

Nobodyreal wrote:A Dark Knight was walking through Port Jeuno one day when a little boy approached him.

"Are you really a Dark Knight?" asked the boy.

"I really am." replied the knight. "Would you like to wear my helmet?" The Dark Knight put his helmet on the little boy's head and the boy ran around happily until he ran into a Dragoon.

"Wow! Are you really a Dragoon?"

"I sure am. Would you like to shine my boots?" The Dragoon replied.

"Oh no, sir." replied the boy. "I'm not really a Dark Knight, I'm just wearing his helmet."

as a player playing on taking both drg and drk to lvl 75 i find this joke both offensive and incredibly funny XD

Post by **Alya Mizar (Tsybil)** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:43 am

Its Beastman day at the Marble Bridge and a Goblin strolls in, rumages around in his comodious backpack, and pulls out a minature Yagudo Piper. The little bird sets up a tiny Yamaha keyboard and starts banging out a Scot Joplin piano rag.

An Orc watches in azement and asks "Where did you get that?"

"You know Smashing Samantha?"

"Hume NM? Spawns in North Gustaberg? Drops some kind of uber ring?"

"Yeah, the Ring of Three Wishes. Me and the LS camped her for a solid week, finally got her, she dropped, and I won the lot."

"Nice job, what did you wish for?"

"Well, I wished for 100 million Gil, a hot female, and a really huge tallywhacker. The hot female turned out to be a level 60 Mithra Samurai who proceded to mop out the Mog House with me, stole all the Gil and left while I was KOed."

"So where did the bird come in?"

"Wiseass ring said 'Oh, I thought you said a 12 inch PINAIST', /laughed and warped out."

Post by **Sugami** » Thu Jan 26, 2006 2:19 pm

Hehe heard that DRK/DRG joke before but it'll always make me laugh

Post by **Ambrey** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 1:33 am

Two Black mages walk into a bar.... ..... .... ..... You would think the second would have ducked... >.>

Kintrra · Post by **Kintrra** » Fri Jan 27, 2006 12:14 pm

Ambrey wrote:Two Black mages walk into a bar.... ..... .... ..... You would think the second would have ducked... >.>

Corny, but funny!

Dawezy · Post by **Dawezy** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 11:04 pm

A Dark Knight walks into a bar..

..and misses.

Being a DRK myself I still find this funny XD

And that DRK/DRG joke, is supposed to be a MNK/DRG one =P I seen it over at Alla first lol.

Post by **Holydragoon** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 12:48 am

Dawezy wrote:A Dark Knight walks into a bar..

..and misses.

Priceless =) Purely !!

Prrsha · Post by **Prrsha** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 1:03 am

Holydragoon wrote:
Dawezy wrote:A Dark Knight walks into a bar..

..and misses.

Priceless =) Purely !!

I should read...

An ELVAAN Dark Knight walks into a bar...
...and misses.

Post by **Nivez** » Tue Jan 31, 2006 6:07 pm

Prrsha wrote:
Holydragoon wrote:
Dawezy wrote:A Dark Knight walks into a bar..

..and misses.

Priceless =) Purely !!
I should read...

An ELVAAN Dark Knight walks into a bar...
...and misses.

the elvaan drk wouldnt even know the bar was there for him to miss >.>; too oblivious.

Eviticus · Post by **Eviticus** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 8:24 am

This bar offends the soverign dignity of the Elvaan! It's heathen ways of obstructing our noble warriors must be stopped, or else all of Vana'diel will crumble from the weight of it's non-belief.

Kintrra · Post by **Kintrra** » Thu Feb 02, 2006 1:37 pm

That sounds about right.

Janeth · Post by **Janeth** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 2:24 pm

A random newbie was standing around in Valkurm when he got a party invite. He was on his way to camp when he noticed a Bogy blocking the way. He tried to walk past it and died. A slightly higher-level newbie said that he, being so high-level, could get past the bogy easily. He tried to walk past, and he died also.

A level 1 mule walked up, and bet the two dead newbies 100,000 gil that he could get past. "Hey, I paid a lot of money for that gil!" one said. "What, you don't want to make an easy 100k?" said the other. "Well, alright..." they replied.

He then proceeded to walk right past the bogy without a scratch, and collected his gil from the two newbies. "How did he get past when neither of us could?" one newbie said to the other. "We're so much higher level than he is!" The mule thanked them for the gil, and said to himself...

"This'll more than cover the cost of that Silent Oil!"

Hidarichan · Post by **Hidarichan** » Wed Feb 08, 2006 11:04 pm

Five people are riding the airship from Jeuno to Kazham when Bahumut does a flyby attack and leaves. Airship's going down, and there's only four parachutes.

Elvaan WHM grabs a parachute, and nods to the rest. "I'm the healer of the party and must tend to the sick and dying--my survival is the key to everyone's survival; Vana'diel needs me." The WHM then jumps.

Hume THF grabs the next one, tips his cap, and winks. "Survival's my middle name--too much treasure to steal and only one life to live. Vana'diel needs me to uncover the lost priceless artifacts of the past. Laters!" THF jumps.

Tarutaru BLM at this point is also ready to jump, pack on his back. "Vana'diel's overall intelligence quotient is rapidly-wapidly falling-walling. I must offset the stupidity-widity with my supremely-wemely superior knowledge; I am the smartest-wartest and most powerful-wowerful person--Vana'diel needs me." BLM jumps.

The Mithra PLD looks over at the Galka BRD for a few seconds, and the two stare at each other in silence. Finally, the PLD speaks.

"It's my sole duty to encounter dangerrr head-on, take the blows as they come, and rrrescue my fellow adventurerrrs. I am a Paladin; this is the duty I've come to uphold: I must die so you may live. Surrrely, Vana'diel needs you also."

The Galka BRD grins at the Mithra's statement, and gives a hearty laugh. "Missus, you're alright. Normal people would just outright let a Galka--let alone a singing Galka--die. We're not immortal, and the whole reincarnation thing is a PAIN, let me tell ya. But it's okay," the Galka continues, picking up a parachute and pointing over to the other side of the airship, "you can have that parachute over there. The smartest and most powerful person in Vana'diel just took my gobbie-bag."

Kintrra · Post by **Kintrra** » Wed Feb 08, 2006 11:54 pm

LMFAO!!!!!

Oh hell...that's great....especially since I AM a Mithra PLD. XD

Post by **Sugami** » Thu Feb 09, 2006 12:04 am

That's hillarious, silly taru-waru

MittensValefor · Post by **MittensValefor** » Thu Feb 09, 2006 7:49 am

Let's hope the poor lil genious finds a baloon cloth in that gobbie bag and floats down safely! o.O

Nobodyreal · Post by **Nobodyreal** » Thu Feb 09, 2006 11:49 am

MittensValefor wrote:Let's hope the poor lil genious finds a baloon cloth in that gobbie bag and floats down safely! o.O

Shouldn't be too bad. Most Tarutaru are already full of hot air. ^^

Post by **Nivez** » Thu Feb 09, 2006 5:24 pm

Nobodyreal wrote:
MittensValefor wrote:Let's hope the poor lil genious finds a baloon cloth in that gobbie bag and floats down safely! o.O
Shouldn't be too bad. Most Tarutaru are already full of hot air. ^^

naa, if taru goes splat on the ground i can make roakill taru stew again

Post by **Shirai** » Thu Feb 09, 2006 8:07 pm

Nivez wrote:
Nobodyreal wrote:
MittensValefor wrote:Let's hope the poor lil genious finds a baloon cloth in that gobbie bag and floats down safely! o.O
Shouldn't be too bad. Most Tarutaru are already full of hot air. ^^
naa, if taru goes splat on the ground i can make roakill taru stew again

{Cooking}{Tarutaru}{Meat dishes} :3

Kahvi · Post by **Kahvi** » Thu Feb 09, 2006 11:54 pm

or the taru could just cast warp on the way down and have made off with a free pack of items for sale.

Lolata · Post by **Lolata** » Fri Feb 10, 2006 12:05 am

LMAO!!

Lolata · Post by **Lolata** » Fri Feb 10, 2006 12:23 am

A mithra decides to rent out a moogle house in Sanodoria. As she leaves Sandy she leaves instructions for her moole.

"remember, feed the chocobo, make the bed, Empty the wine, and clean the empty the catnip"

two days later when the Mithra returns she finds her bed ruined, the chocobo annoyed and frightened, and Catnip thrown everywhere. And the moogle wasted.

Mithra: WTH happened here?!
Moogle: I did what you said Kupo
Mithra: No you didnt.
Moogle: I followed orders Kupo. First Kupo I emptied your wine by drinking it. I got sick for 3 days Kupo! Then I Wet your bed, slapped the choco and threw catnip all over your house Kupo!

Dawezy · Post by **Dawezy** » Fri Feb 10, 2006 10:17 am

A DRK and a DRG walk into a bar, with the sign reading: No Pets Allowed.

So the DRG leaves his wyvern outside. And the DRG and DRK walk into the bar.

The bartender goes "Didn't you read the sign: No Pets allowed"

The DRG goes "Yeah, I left my wyvern outside."

The bartender turns to the DRK, and says

"Shut your b*tch up already and get him outside"

Found it at Alla, and alot of other jokes

Post by **Sugami** » Fri Feb 10, 2006 12:44 pm

Bah that's a poor attempt to match the great wit of the previous DRG/DRK joke, obviously some angry emo DRK made that up

Nhiha · Post by **Nhiha** » Fri Feb 10, 2006 10:28 pm

i thought that last drk/drg joke was pretty funny and i am a drg

Dukuji · Post by **Dukuji** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:31 pm

So, a Tarutaru walks into a bar in Jeuno with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks over in surprise and says, "Whoa! Where'dya get that thing?"

To this the parrot looks at the bartender and says, "Windurst, there's f*cking millions of 'em there."

Kahvi · Post by **Kahvi** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 3:47 pm

Dukuji wrote:So, a Tarutaru walks into a bar in Jeuno with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks over in surprise and says, "Whoa! Where'dya get that thing?"

To this the parrot looks at the bartender and says, "Windurst, there's f*cking millions of 'em there."

Heh, thats a modification of a joke told by humans in WoW...

But more importantly, I would wanna know how the Parrot got on the taru shoulder. No offence to any taru that might see this... but thats not a big perch at all.