Chronicles of Gospel (the new fanfic)

Gospel · Post by **Gospel** » Wed Jan 04, 2006 4:22 am

Hey there kittys. This is a fanfic that I have started to make. Hopefully it will expand to many chapters.

*NOTE* Finally been posted on www.fanfiction.net. check it out ^_^

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2741911/1/

Chapter 2 still in production.

Post by **Holydragoon** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 5:10 am

Hmm I wonder what the 500 000 Gil wil be used on...

A great read I must say. My only beef was the format. I liked the mithran background info.

Gospel · Post by **Gospel** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:05 pm

it could always be spent on 1/30th of a V cloak ^_^.

If you can give me any constructive criticism about how i can improve my stories please by all means. Like whats wrong with the format holydragoon?

Post by **Holydragoon** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 3:51 pm

Ok =)
BTW I did like the read.

Length:
Not an issue if the layout is adjusted. Due to lack of indentation (constriction of the forums I know), it feels like you are reading one large paragraph in a few occasions. Might I suggest an extra push of the Enter key. Simple, but likely to make the read easier on the eyes.

Inconsistancy:
In the beginning of the story, you are telling of a current event. I may be totally off here, but it seems the rest of the story is to lead up that beginning event. The only problem, I didn't notice that happen. The story ends and seems like it skipped over your introduction completely. A tie in to the first events of Gospel underestimating Snyper is needed I think.

I hope that helps, and I hope I didn't sound too mean. It was a great fanfic and I look forward to the next chapter.

Kateevia · Post by **Kateevia** » Thu Jan 05, 2006 5:10 pm

I agree with the need for indentation. It was hard for me to find my place again if I looked up from it for a second or two. But I enjoyed it alot. I love the idea of a Male Mithra out and about even though it's so hard for me to picture how he would look since the only pictures of Males that I've seen portray them as scrawny and weak. But I'm proud of Gospel for escaping the village and becoming the first male Mithra Mercenary.

Gospel · Post by **Gospel** » Sat Jan 07, 2006 1:39 am

as soon as i post it on fanfiction.net all my indentations will be there. I just copied and pasted it here and the forums did that.

Holydragoon - I totally agree with you. I tried to let the story catch up with the starting scenario. But it didn't turn out quite the way i'd hoped. Hopefully my writing skills will improve and thank you for pointing that out.

Kateevia - I'll be 'attempting' to draw Gospel as I see him. so hopefully that will help you picture him. BUt i'm not a very good artist so we'll just see how he turns out.

Post by **Holydragoon** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 4:08 pm

No problem Gospel, keep up the good work.

Dukuji · Post by **Dukuji** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 6:44 pm

Thanks for sharing! I always enjoy people’s stories. It's what provides color and life into the game.

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My only question is for the admins ~Administration Request~ can we get this topic moved to the RPG board to be added with our growing collection stories, fiction, other RPG type writings, where this most deservingly belongs?

Gospel · Post by **Gospel** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 9:05 am

hehe thx dukuji.

one day we male mithra players will be recognised!!!!