I know that most people don't look at this thread anymore, but I guess, it doesn't matter.
Before I post my entry, I want to think back on a few things. I have always thought myself to be trapped within the confinement of living. I never had a purpose to live, a reason to live, a reason fight, or a reason to keep fighting. My life became a giant war, and the only one who fought was me.
I felt like I had died a thousand times, and came back to life a thousand times too. Everytime I came back, I found the same things: Confinement. But, what would I do if I ever found freedom? Well, to answer my own question, I would die, and never return.
For some reason, the final episode of Cowboy Bebop, The Real Folk Blues, leaves me wondering where I am in my battle. I've been fighting so long that I've turned a cold shoulder to the world, and care not if I die, for living is only dreaming with sound.
My song, my real theme song, is the "Blue" by Yoko Kanno.
Never seen a blue sky
Yeah I can feel it reaching out
And moving closer
There's something about blue
Asked myself what it's all for
You know the funny thing about it
I couldn't answer
No I couldn't answer
Things have turned a deeper shade of blue
And images that might be real
May be illusion
Keep flashing off and on
Free
Wanna be free
Gonna be free
And move among the stars
You know they really aren't so far
Feels so free
Gotta know free
Please
Don't wake me from the dream
It's really everything it seemed
I'm so free
No black and white in the blue
Everything is clearer now
Life is just a dream you know
That's never ending
I'm ascending
Another song that might be fitting is an instrumental song of most dire importantance to me. It is one of two songs that tell their tale in sound, not words. The first is "Rena Lanford of Arlea Village" from Star Ocean: The Second Story AND Star Ocean EX. The second is a song from Wolf's Rain, also by Yoko Kanno. It's called "Paradiso".
Finally, the last song, is yet another Yoko Kanno song, only this song is my hate and my sorrow. "Beauty is within us"
O mother dear
Look what you've done
To your forlorn and once beloved son
Why was I born at all?
O mother dear
I'm such a freak
A mutant man, a woman underneath
Why was I born at all?
It's you I blame for all the shame
This anguish and this aching
The mirror turned against the wall
Myself despised, forsaken
You say, "Beauty is within us, your mother knows"
"There's a beauty that's within us, just like a rose"
You say, "Beauty is within us, so let it grow"
But it's grown so dark and ugly
O mother dear
I curse you so
For breathing life into your wretched son
Why were you born at all?
O mother dear
I love you so
O please forgive this anger in my soul
Without you I'm alone
It's me who's been eternally damned
Trapped inside this cage, a ruined man
All damaged and depraved
O mother dear
This misery
Has settled like a stain upon my skin
-a vast unspoken sin
And my mistake is much too late
But your mistake was trusting
That out of grief, a goodness comes
And love comes out of lusting
You say, "Beauty is within us, your mother knows"
"There's a beauty that's within us, just like a rose"
You say, "Beauty is within us, so let it grow"
But it's grown so dark and ugly
You say, "Beauty is within us, your mother knows"
"There's a beauty that's within us, just like a rose"
You say, "Beauty is within us, so let it grow"
But it's grown so dark I can not see you anymore
"O beauty is within us, mother knows"
"O beauty is within us, like a rose"
"O beauty is within us, let it grow"
O mother dear, let me out of here!
As I come to the end of this rather lengthy and otherwise possibly final posting in this forum, I can only think of one other song. It's not instrumental, but at the same, it is. It is another Yoko Kanno song. This song, unlike the others, is how I'm feeling now that I've had a chance to give my words a tune to be remembered by. "Some Other Time".
Alll of the songs I've mentioned here can be found by simple websearch, but, I hope that soon, I can have all of them uploaded somewhere for them to be accessed at the click of a mouse. Well, thanks for letting me post. I hope someone reads all this...
Mnk 75, Drg 75, Sam 75, Blu 74, War 50, Thf 41, Dnc 58, Nin 37, Whm 42, Rdm 46, Pup 41, Rng 63, Bst 19, Pld 4, Drk 26, Smn 3, Sch 7
[23:41] Starlight: Markov, why are bikini's getting smaller and smaller?
[23:41] MarkovBot: Because you are going to work.
Ninetails Pride! ^.~ Kittens are cool too...