MithraPride

Calm down - Cocaine is actually pretty harmless

By Gary Miller
Columnist

October 18, 2006
I had Cocaine before writing this column, so forgive me if I ramble.

I bought it at 53rd Street and Broadway. It was delicious, and I think everyone should try it. I’m talking about the new energy drink, not the powder, but Mayor Michael Bloomberg thinks they might as well be the same thing. He said the drink "glorifies something that is destructive."

But don’t we do that every day? I could name a million things more obnoxious and destructive in our country than a drink named Cocaine.

Eating disorders, for example, can be much more harmful than drug use, but magazines glorify excessive skinniness, leaving young people with templates for how their bodies should look.

And how about all the attention we afford celebrities like Paris Hilton? If American icons promoted rational, intelligent thinking instead of "hotness," maybe we wouldn’t have to worry about whether young people are smart enough to tell the difference between a drug and a creative marketing gimmick.

Pick up a rap CD at random and it will probably espouse the virtues of "pimping hos," but will skirt by parents’ eyes with only a small warning sticker.

Maybe that’s all Cocaine needs — a parental advisory. In many ways, the drink is comparable to Eminem’s 2000 CD, "The Marshall Mather’s LP." They’re both built on shock value and are, therefore, perfect examples of successful exploitation of our crude American culture. How can their creators be blamed for having a keen enough business sense to know what will sell to the masses? Ayn Rand might commend them.

New York Councilman James Sanders said at a news conference that Cocaine might give young people the impression that the actual drug is OK to use. That statement is a disgusting insinuation that young people are idiots.

I was 15 when "The Marshall Mather’s LP" came out, and I listened to its lyrics over and over. I knew which lyrics were tongue-in-cheek, and I knew which lyrics were exaggerated to create controversy. Needless to say, I never became homophobic or homicidal, and to my knowledge, neither did any of my 500-some high school classmates who also worshiped the CD. I never tried mushrooms either, although Eminem made them sound very fun.

Parents should be responsible for giving their children a working grasp of common sense before allowing them to make potentially dangerous decisions. After just a few short DARE classes, a 10-year-old kid should know there’s a huge difference between drinking caffeine and snorting an illegal drug.

Joseph Califano, the president of the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, said the drink is "insidious, disgraceful, irresponsible, reprehensible and disgusting."

Cocaine is just Red Bull with a "naughty" name. The drink itself is pretty harmless. Those who publicly protest it should be laughed at for defeating their own purpose; they’re actively promoting it while James Kirby, the founder of Redux Beverages and creator of the drink, sits back and grins over his perfect plan. If not for the tirades of politicians and anti-drug cavalry, I may have never heard of Cocaine.

It’s actually possible that Dave Chappelle is responsible for all of this. In 2005, he parodied Red Bull and claimed, "It’s crack in a can, baby!" In essence, Cocaine is just another commentary on contemporary American culture and our eagerness to consume garbage, be it on TV, the internet, movies or food. They’re just giving us what we want.

When I heard about the drink, my reaction was to roll my eyes and admit, "That’s pretty funny." I’m in the demographic that Cocaine is targeting, so what can I do but congratulate the creators on a smart business plan?

"I think kids are a lot smarter than people give them credit for," Kirby said.

I couldn’t agree more. How can anyone think this will be more than a blip amid the sea of inappropriate, offensive crap that young people are inundated with everyday? I just saw a commercial for a "Desperate Housewives" video game.

Kessa wrote:2 scoops = 400Mg of caffiene, 1200 Mg of Taurine, Creatine, Nitrous Oxide, and all you daily vitamins. You cant ask for a better boost.

Kessa wrote:I use firefox from my personal computer. But it is not a authorized browser on the military network, so I cant use it while I'm employed

We are stuck with IE7 atm

Tsybil wrote:PS: Kessa, the latest Firefox browser has a built in spell checker. I love it. I can't spell for beans. Or mouse heads for that mater. Taurine & Creatine are not in it though.

Tsybil wrote:The Civil Service changed to Firefox last year.

a creative marketing gimmick.

Cocaine is just Red Bull with a "naughty" name. The drink itself is pretty harmless.

disgusting insinuation that young people are idiots.