Silly Jokes
Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 12:10 am
You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right is a sharp drop off, on your left is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. Directly in front is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
GET YOUR DRUNKEN ARSE OF THE MERRY GO ROUND!
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Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
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Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
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So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said "You are."
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So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
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So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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You have a whore house at the top of a hill ,there is two men walking one up and one walking down what nationality are they? guy walking up is russian and the guy walking down is finish LOL
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A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" and he smiles.
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh**?"
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
GET YOUR DRUNKEN ARSE OF THE MERRY GO ROUND!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said "You are."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
-----------------------------
You have a whore house at the top of a hill ,there is two men walking one up and one walking down what nationality are they? guy walking up is russian and the guy walking down is finish LOL
-------------------------------------------
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" and he smiles.
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh**?"