Keavy's totally awesome tales of awesomeness!!!

A place to post back-stories, character descriptions, etc.
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Keavy
Drunker than thou
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Keavy's totally awesome tales of awesomeness!!!

Post by Keavy » Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:06 pm

Chapter II: There never was a first

*Ring*

*Ring*

"Ugh, who the hell is calling this early?" groaned Keavy as she reached for the phone. "Do you know what time it is? I'm trying to get my beauty sleep!" she barked into the phone. "What the hell are you talking about? It's 4:30 in the afternoon!" the man on the other end responded. "What do you want?" Keavy asked. "Dr. Phunkalicious escaped about an hour ago." Keavy jumped up and screamed "WHAT?!? How?" "I'll give you a full briefing when you arrive. How soon can you get here?" the man asked. Keavy mumbled incoherently. The man responded "You were out drinking last night and have no idea where you are. I swear, Keavy. If you hadn't saved the President from Ninjas I'd fire you." "C'mon, man. It was Stevie's birthday. I only had a few beers. Get off my back." Keavy whined. "Stevie's birthday was Saturday!" the man screamed. Keavy responded "I am well aware of that." "TODAY IS THURSDAY!!!" the man screamed with unbridled fury. "OK, geez. Don't go thermal. I'll get there as soon as I can." Keavy said in as sincere a voice as she could fake. *Click*.

"Geez, Chief really needs to take a chill pill", Keavy said to herself. After grabbing her belongings she headed outside, got in her car, and drove to the office.

She arrived and was greeted by the chief. A stout, older man with thinning gray hair who claims he had a full head of gorgeous Strawberry Blond hair before Keavy was transferred into his unit. "That damn catgirl's gonna be the death of me" leaves his mouth so often its become his catchphrase.

The chief escorted her to the conference room for her briefing. The room was a rectangular room with a large oak table, a dozen office chairs surrounding it, a few whiteboards on the walls, and a large monitor with Dr. Phunkalicious' picture displayed on it. Once a mild-manned pediatrician, his life was forever changed when he volunteered for a government experiment. They were testing a weapon called "the funk ray" which would infuse its victims with the unbridled desire to listen to funk, wear leisure suits, and grow a large afro. Due to a miscalculation the ray turned him into a mad genius hell-bent on world domination with a slight affinity towards funk. He'll shout "Ohh, yeah! Dis is mah song" if a funk tune comes on the radio but that's about it.

"OK, let's get this briefing underway" the chief grumbled. "At 1400 hours Dr. Phunkalicious was being transferred from the Captain Incredible Memorial Supervillain Prison for his arraignment when his henchmen, The super phunkalicious bunch featuring Charlie 'Beatbox' Phillips, attacked the envoy and rescued Phunkalicious." "Was anyone harmed?" Keavy asked. "Thankfully no. The guards said everything happened so fast they simply didn't have time to respond" the chief replied. "About an hour ago we received the following video from Dr. Phunkalicious. Stevie, cue it up."

"HA HA HA! Oh, how great it is to finally be free! Now I can set my most evil and diabolical plan ever into motion. Not even Keavy can stop me now!" cackled Dr. Phunkalicious. "As I speak my Phunkabots are stealing all the world's ice cream! No more Sundae's, no more floats, no more cones, no more desserts served a la mode! Now you fools will learn why I, Dr. Phunkalicious, am the most evil and diabolical villain ever! MWA HA HA HA!!!"

"I was going to call you as soon as I got the message but a more urgent matter was brought to my attention. My mail arrived and there was a letter from Ed McMahon and it said I may have already won $10 Million. Oh, that glimmer of hope for a peaceful, early retirement..." The words flowed from the chief's mouth like a waterfall of happiness, crashing onto jagged rocks of joy. "So what do we do now?" Keavy asked. "*Ahem* Well, all we really can do is wait for Ed McMahon to get back to me. I had to send the letter back with the appropriate stickers." The chief responded. "I meant about Phunkalicious." Keavy said, clearly frustrated. "Oh, yeah. Well, I could care less about that. I'm lactose intolerant. Ok, fine. Go after him if you want. If I'm not here when you get back that means I won my way to freedom." The chief said with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

To be continued...
[b]WHM 75[/b] RDM 42 BLU 24 SCH 24 / [b]FTWindurst 10[/b] Sandy Oreo 5-1 RoZ 14 CoP 2-5 ToAU 15 Assault PSC
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Keavy's thought for the day: "Grand Theft Auto IV has stolen my heart! :love:"

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Rishutlaw
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Post by Rishutlaw » Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:53 am

Yay for lactose intolerant, hangover, crime-fighter, rogue detectice, Keavy!

If this was pitched as a tv show 30 years ago, I'm sure someone would pick it up.
Kiraku: [lvl 44 SAM] [Lvl 33 MNK] [lvl 25 WAR] [lvl 15 BST] [lvl 10 BLM] [lvl 10 WHM] [lvl 21 THF]

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