So I was almost married once...

A place to post back-stories, character descriptions, etc.
Post Reply
Keavy
Drunker than thou
Posts: 1798
Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:07 pm
Location: Sacramento, CA
Contact:

So I was almost married once...

Post by Keavy » Thu Jul 27, 2006 5:18 pm

Kneeling in a pool of blood, crying, there I was. The love of my life, dead. How did this happen?

Okay, let's go back to the beginning. Kinda like they did in "Daredevil" only without totally sucking. Seriously, that movie was the suckiest sucking movie that ever sucked. It sucked so bad that by the end of the movie, the first ten rows of the theater had been sucked into the movie! So yeah, Daredevil sucked. But my story won't because compared to Daredevil, this story has 25% more Keavy!

So, the beginning. Let's see...It was a beautiful summer day, there I was beating rabbits in La Theine Plateau because, well, I was drunk. I DON'T NEED TO DEFEND MYSELF TO THE LIKES OF YOU!!!

Anyways, this tall, muscular, Elvaan male was staring at me. I mean, just eyes focused on my tail. Normally I don't go for Elvaan males, not my scene, but this guy...there was something different about him. Not "different" like he eats paste and shouts "Uh oh, spaghetti-o's" after he soils himself, no, he was different as in he was not like all the other male Elvaan.

First off, he didn't call me a "Furball," which was pleasant. So I turned to him and slurred out "Bunnies must die!" to which he responded "Faster pussycat, KILL! KILL!" With that I knew he wanted me.

Our courtship continued at the Lion's Head Pub (My buzz was wearing off) so I stagger up to the bar and manage to slur out "Whiskey, and keep 'em coming!" before passing out on the floor. When I awoke, my hero was holding me. He said "I think you've had enough for tonight" and I responded "I'LL F***ING TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" so he took me back to my moghouse.

The next day (I think) I wake up, and after downing out my hangover with asprin my Moogle, Steven Chazzmeister III, informs me that the nice Elvaan wants to meet with me. Steve gave me his address and told me that I might make a better impression on his family if I put some pants on. Well, I figure, it couldn't hurt to try something new. So with pants on I head to his house in North San D'Oria. It was gorgeous, stained glass, high ceilings, lots of men in robes. Anyways, one walks up to me and says "Excuse me, miss, could you please leave without making a scene and never return?" I immediately did what has always worked: I decked his sorry ass and went looking for the man of my dreams.

Turns out I read the numbers wrong: I was at a church. The cops came and arrested me because apparently its illegal to punch church leaders, even if they deserve it.

I used my one phone call to crank call my high school principal (He DOES have Prince Albert in a can. Who knew?) So as I sat there in Jail, longing for booze, I wondered what the man of my dreams would think. Actually, more importantly, what the f*** was his NAME?!?

He (Tyran) came by the jail and got me out. He told me he'd smooth things over with the church and I didn't owe him for bail (Good thing, too because I spent all my cigarettes on the latest issue of "Naughty Tarutaru Nurses in Chains" as a present for him. It wasn't his "Thing" but I am now a subscriber.)

So we get to his place and I meet his family (A PRINCE!! THE PRINCE OF SAN D'ORIA!!!) After I regained my composure, I introduced myself to the family. None were too pleased with me (The jail was humid and I had that "Wet Mithra" smell) and the Chancellor said something kind of odd: "I don't trust that Mithra any farther than I can throw her." Odd because he held the world's record in Mithra throwing. So I mean, does that mean he likes me? Does he want to throw me? :shock:

After a few months together, the time came for us to marry. I was pretty nervous so I went to a quiet spot in Jugner Forest with Cadepure, my "Adventuring Fellow" to talk things out. She went on and on about shopping and all the pretty things she bought and it was then that I noticed my gil purse was gone. In that moment I made my decision: I would marry him. I mean, as a member of the royal family i'd be RICH so I wouldn't have to worry as much if Cade tapped into my adventuring fund.

My wedding day had arrived. Steve helped me get ready and kept going on about how he hopes that someday he can get married. I laughed and said "Moogles can marry, silly." He responded "So why did they deny my marriage application? Raul was devastated!" Now it all made sense. The nights spent on my couch eating "Rocky Road" while watching "Sex and the City," the posters of bronzed, buff Hume Males that I kept finding lying around, the vacations in San Francisco. The signs were all there, I was just too drunk to see.

With only a few minutes to go before I went from being single adventurer Keavy Rain to Princess Keavy Chanteau, I decided to go for a walk. As I sat in the garden in my dress, I heard some commotion. It came from the Prince's room! I rushed over to find my love being stabbed by a Tarutaru Ninja! My mind screamed "MY MEAL TICKET!" and I immediately focused my powers. The Tarutaru was hit with a blast of Holy Fury and dropped to the floor. I rushed to my Prince, hoping he would live long enough for us to get married so I could get my riches. Sadly, his wounds were too severe. He looked at me and said "Keavy, these last few months have been the best of my life. I...love you... and with that he died.

My dress was soaked in blood, my hands were covered in blood, there was a huge pool of blood and I just kneeled there and cried. The first person EVER to tell me they loved me (Genuinely loved me) was dead and all I could do was cry.

The Chancellor burst into the room and immediately screamed "Arrest that Mithra! She murdered the Prince! I never trusted you, foul creature!" The guards looked at each other and said "I thought he liked her. he did say he trusted her as far as he could throw her!" The Chancellor screamed "ARREST THAT MITHRA AND THROW HER IN THE DUNGEON! NOON TOMORROW SHE'LL HANG FOR THIS!!" Still confused, the guards seized me and as we were walking out the Tarutaru awoke and threw a katana at the Chancellor, striking him in the shoulder. The Chancellor fell to the ground and the Tarutaru screamed "Double cross me, will you!" "WHAT?!?" the Chancellor screamed. "THE CHECK BOUNCED! INSUFFICIENT FUNDS! I Killed the Prince for you now PAY UP!" Upon hearing this the Guards freed me and arrested the Chancellor and the Tarutaru.

Like the Chancellor said, there was a hanging at noon the next day; although he and the Tarutaru Ninja were hung, not me. A few days later the Royal Family held a funeral for the Prince. I went with Cade, Steve, and Raul to pay my respects.

After the funeral, we went back to my Mog House. As I thought about our time together, those were happy times. The Prince was a true gentleman who loved me for who I was. The whole time I was living in the castle, I didn't drink once. I started to wonder...

"I'm making Moogle-ritas! Who wants some?" Raul shouted as Cade walked past me with a stack of Ice Crystals. "Make mine a double and keep 'em coming!" I shouted.
[b]WHM 75[/b] RDM 42 BLU 24 SCH 24 / [b]FTWindurst 10[/b] Sandy Oreo 5-1 RoZ 14 CoP 2-5 ToAU 15 Assault PSC
[img]http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a374/TehAsh/Keavysig.png[/img]
Custom sig courtesy of Krilldog.
[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Keavy+Rain.png[/img]
Keavy's thought for the day: "Grand Theft Auto IV has stolen my heart! :love:"

User avatar
Tinacat
Feral Cat
Posts: 360
Joined: Tue Feb 01, 2005 3:57 pm

Post by Tinacat » Fri Dec 21, 2007 7:12 am

The first person EVER to tell me they loved me (Genuinely loved me) was dead and all I could do was cry.

You mean I never told you I love you? =@_@=a?!?!?



:lol:
Cardian > puppets
[img]http://www.apricotsoft.com/~mimora/star_/ff11/05out1/05out1_006.jpg[/img]
so great being a grey haired Mithra THF

User avatar
Rishutlaw
Tomcat
Posts: 135
Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:56 pm
Location: Seattle
Contact:

Re: So I was almost married once...

Post by Rishutlaw » Fri Dec 21, 2007 9:27 am

Keavy wrote:"Faster pussycat, KILL! KILL!"
You know that's a movie right?

Haha great story. I laughed, I cried, and I wanted something to drink.
Kiraku: [lvl 44 SAM] [Lvl 33 MNK] [lvl 25 WAR] [lvl 15 BST] [lvl 10 BLM] [lvl 10 WHM] [lvl 21 THF]

[img]http://i128.photobucket.com/albums/p192/okanestar789/Kir071223003827a.jpg[/img]
http://gamerhaven.forumotion.com/index.htm

User avatar
Tinacat
Feral Cat
Posts: 360
Joined: Tue Feb 01, 2005 3:57 pm

Re: So I was almost married once...

Post by Tinacat » Sat Dec 22, 2007 2:18 am

Rishutlaw wrote:
Keavy wrote:"Faster pussycat, KILL! KILL!"
You know that's a movie right?

Haha great story. I laughed, I cried, and I wanted something to drink.

Isn't it an album name, or atleast a song?
Cardian > puppets
[img]http://www.apricotsoft.com/~mimora/star_/ff11/05out1/05out1_006.jpg[/img]
so great being a grey haired Mithra THF

User avatar
Rishutlaw
Tomcat
Posts: 135
Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:56 pm
Location: Seattle
Contact:

Re: So I was almost married once...

Post by Rishutlaw » Sat Dec 22, 2007 10:16 pm

Tinacat wrote:
Rishutlaw wrote:
Keavy wrote:"Faster pussycat, KILL! KILL!"
You know that's a movie right?

Haha great story. I laughed, I cried, and I wanted something to drink.

Isn't it an album name, or atleast a song?
I'm not sure, but I've seen the movie.
Kiraku: [lvl 44 SAM] [Lvl 33 MNK] [lvl 25 WAR] [lvl 15 BST] [lvl 10 BLM] [lvl 10 WHM] [lvl 21 THF]

[img]http://i128.photobucket.com/albums/p192/okanestar789/Kir071223003827a.jpg[/img]
http://gamerhaven.forumotion.com/index.htm

Post Reply