Keavy: Like a Phoenix, she rose from the ashes.

A place to post back-stories, character descriptions, etc.
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Keavy
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Keavy: Like a Phoenix, she rose from the ashes.

Post by Keavy » Wed Dec 21, 2005 10:21 am

Basically it all went down like this:

These evil aliens from the planet Jooburkie (Pronounced "Over there. No, further. More to the right. There, you got it!") came to kidnap a Mithra cub from Vana'Diel to use her in their experiments. Basically they were gonna strap her to a chair a la "A Clockwork Orange" and make her watch "Growing Pains" until she accepted Jesus Christ as her lord and savior. For you see, the aliens had intercepted transmissions of "Jesus and friends" and were now devout Evangelicals.

Anyways, this cub wasn't gonna go for that. She'd already single handedly purged the Mithra Homeland of the Elvaan, Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientologists, and Pat Boone but did get an autographed copy of "In A Metal Mood" before she sent him packing because that album kicks ass.

So the aliens advanced on her and she's all "Hell no, you do not!" and they're all "DY-NO-MIIIIITE!" so she busted open an 18-pack of Whoop-Ass on those bitches. After what seemed like hours to the aliens she was exhausted. The aliens woke up in a secret chamber chained to the wall with "The Best of Yoko Ono" blaring. Was she done yet? HELL NO! After countless beatings, whippings, and a "Felicity" marathon the aliens agreed to leave Vana'Diel.

The Mithra were so happy, yet sad at the same time because they knew that for all of Vana'Diel to be safe that their hero would have to travel the globe. So they prepared a care package of pickled herrings and papayas and bid their hero farewell as they drove her to the airport.

The in-flight movie was "Biodome" followed by "Airheads." When our hero arrived at her destination she filed a complaint. After two months of arguing with numerous customer service agents she was given 500 frequent flyer miles and the airline agreed to never show those films again. They now show "Fearless" and "Alive" on every flight.

Now that she had arrived at her destination she decided that she needed an education so she applied to the first college she saw: Dan Parker's Clown College. She majored in Pie tossing with a minor in Modern Interpretive Dance. After seven long years she graduated with her degree only to later find out that the College was as qualified to hand out degrees as the Schlotsky's Deli down the road which happened to offer courses in Criminal Justice and Ballet.

Now a college graduate, she needed a job. The local Wal-Mart in the neighboring town of Mhaura had just opened and was hiring. At first, she was excited to have a job. Now she could pay off her student loans. Sadly, the job was terrible. She worked long 18 hour days, the pay barely covered her loans, and her boss on more than one occasion had asked her to keep her tail in her pants because it scared the children. She stuck it out there until the Wal-Mart closed out. Turns out that no one in Mhaura needed a store that didn't sell spells, food, or armor.

Now out of a job and with bills mounting as fast as Michael Jackson at a NAMBLA meeting (Heyyyyooooo!) she had to do something for money. Our heroine was in luck. As she was leaving the bar where she spent her last paycheck on Vodka and "Foreigner" tunes at the jukebox she saw an ad announcing that the mighty nation of Windurst was looking for adventurers. She had always longed to beat people up AND get paid! Plus, the bar wasn't in need of a bouncer that was shorter than their usual clientele (Galkas.)

So she applied. After cursing wildly and throwing a Tarutaru through a wall after she was informed it was a strictly volunteer gig, she agreed to fight for the fine nation of Windurst. On a side note: The Tarutaru she injured was laid up in the hospital for four months recovering from his injuries. While in the hospital he thought long and hard about his life and where it was going. He soon decided that he would follow his lifelong dream of becoming an openly gay stock car racer. Sadly he was trampled by a Chocobo being ridden by an intoxicated Galka who was speeding and died from his injuries.

She soon rose through the ranks of the Windurst Adventurer Training Academy and graduated with honors after breaking a whisky bottle over the headmaster's head and threatening him with the jagged remains she held.

That brave, violent, alcoholic Mithra we now know as Keavy.
[b]WHM 75[/b] RDM 42 BLU 24 SCH 24 / [b]FTWindurst 10[/b] Sandy Oreo 5-1 RoZ 14 CoP 2-5 ToAU 15 Assault PSC
[img]http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a374/TehAsh/Keavysig.png[/img]
Custom sig courtesy of Krilldog.
[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Keavy+Rain.png[/img]
Keavy's thought for the day: "Grand Theft Auto IV has stolen my heart! :love:"

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Kateevia
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Post by Kateevia » Wed Dec 21, 2005 11:02 pm

ROFL

/em tries to stand but falls to the floor again in a fit of laughter.

Oh....oh my god....oh sh*t Keavy, your story sounds alot like mine. Great alcoholics think alike. Oh sh*t that was funny. Dude you didnt tell me you went to Dan Parker's Clown College! I got my degree in Drunken hand to hand at the Schlotsky's Deli. We were right down the street the whole frikkin time! Far Out! ~burp~
WHM60/BLM30/WAR30/RNG26/DRK22/RDM20
MNK20/NIN15/THF10/BRD4/SMN1/SAM1/BST1
Cooking 30, Clothcraft 9, Fishing 4
Here I am in all my Mithran glory....
http://ffxi.allakhazam.com/profile.xml?103736

Losfuin
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Re: Keavy: Like a Phoenix, she rose from the ashes.

Post by Losfuin » Thu Dec 22, 2005 1:14 am

Keavy wrote:Now out of a job and with bills mounting as fast as Michael Jackson at a NAMBLA meeting (Heyyyyooooo!)


Ooooooh!
[url=http://www.fourfa.com/]Freakin' emo![/url]

Losfuin: WHM 25, RDM 21, BLM 20, THF 20, WAR 30, MNK 16, BST 5, DRK 1, BRD 10, PLD 1

Dooom: Thf 25 WAR 14 MNK 7

Keavy
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Post by Keavy » Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:11 am

Yeah, that was all me.

I took a creative writing class in High School and near the end of the year the principal had my parent's work numbers and my home number on speed dial. She said it was just easier that way.

Long story short, I did pass the class without a letter grade because the teacher refused to give me one.
[b]WHM 75[/b] RDM 42 BLU 24 SCH 24 / [b]FTWindurst 10[/b] Sandy Oreo 5-1 RoZ 14 CoP 2-5 ToAU 15 Assault PSC
[img]http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a374/TehAsh/Keavysig.png[/img]
Custom sig courtesy of Krilldog.
[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Keavy+Rain.png[/img]
Keavy's thought for the day: "Grand Theft Auto IV has stolen my heart! :love:"

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Pheonixhawk
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Post by Pheonixhawk » Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:08 am

O.o
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Keavy
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Post by Keavy » Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:29 am

Yeah, most people find that my creativity flows a little too freely when it comes to creative writing.

In fact, it flows like R. Kelly's urine at a Girl Scout's meeting! (Rimshot!)

Thank you, tip the waitstaff, try the Creme Brulet! I'm here all week!
[b]WHM 75[/b] RDM 42 BLU 24 SCH 24 / [b]FTWindurst 10[/b] Sandy Oreo 5-1 RoZ 14 CoP 2-5 ToAU 15 Assault PSC
[img]http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a374/TehAsh/Keavysig.png[/img]
Custom sig courtesy of Krilldog.
[img]http://card.mygamercard.net/sig/Keavy+Rain.png[/img]
Keavy's thought for the day: "Grand Theft Auto IV has stolen my heart! :love:"

NIN
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Post by NIN » Wed Feb 01, 2006 6:06 pm

Hahaha, that's a great story. Please write more!
<3 Baldir <3 Kiren <3

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