WHM funny page

[Stephanie]

got this in email from a WHM, don't be offended, it's meant to be funny

Thanking a WHM
If a WHM saves your ass after you pull more mobs then there are people on your team, the best way to thank her for keeping everyone alive is to repeat whatever actions you took that caused the dangerous fight. This complements the WHM by saying 'you are so good I feel free to be totaly reckless' and it makes us feel good too. Also, the best way to thank a WHM is to share with her your many pearls of WHM wisdom you have picked up playing THFs, WARs, and MNKs.


Finding a WHM
When you are forming a team and you decide that you do want a WHM, remember that most WHMs are desperate to find a team since their low (if any) damage does not endear them to teammates. Consequently, you do not need to be polite or even say anything, like you do when you're trying to get a THF or a MNK to join your team. The preferred method for recruiting WHMs is to travel to a crowded area and begin /shouting. Make sure to be anon so the WHM can't see you when she looks around and make sure to either ignore or or at least delay any responses to /tells or any questions from her. If she doesn't join your team right away or declines your invite, run back up to her (from behind) and click on "invite" 19 more times.


Grouping with a WHM
Team play is just like solo play, only there are six of you, so you can go six times as fast. Make sure to run from room to room as fast as you can so that you don't waste any of the WHM's time. Also, remember that having a WHM in the team means that you will always be healed, so there is no need to stop between fights to heal up. Most good WHMs have unlimited mana so they will always be ready with the heals, making combat a cinch. Run into the largest room you can find and attack the middle mob. Make sure to stay in the large room as fighting in the ajacent room will likey cause less mobs to attack your team, which slows down the amount of experience you get and pisses off the WHM. To further save time, make sure to lot on items only during or right after a fight--the WHMs frantic team heal spamming because of the fight you started will cover anyone noticing your lotting. If the WHM takes aggro, let her keep it. She is the healer and it's easier for her to heal herself then to heal anyone else.


Fighting
Many WHMs foolishly believe that, just because they are your heal monkey, that this gives them some right to make tactical descisions like saying what mobs are too hard or by ordering retreats. A WHM who tells her teammates to run only does so because she is a coward, blinded from the battle by staring at everyone's HP and mana in the team window. She doesn't have the vast tactical training nor combat expereince you have that comes from your countless hours of auto-attacking while watching reruns of Giligan's Island on tv, so it's usually best to either ignore her or do the oppposite of what she says. Sometimes, at higher levels, the WHM will get lazy and cast Cure IV on you--she does this so she has an excuse for not healing again for a while and the best solution is to continue doing whatever it is that you are doing that caused the first Cure IV. If you get into trouble, run into another room and spam "HJEEL" until the WHM gets aggro from using her heals, then when you get healed back to half life, start pulling again.


Looting
WHMs have no claim on any items except WHM spells and WHM only nodrop items. If they ask for anything else, they are being greedy as they clearly have no use for weapons, armor, and any other uber gear. Also, if your team's WHM loots something, always ask to roll for it. This type of looting is discraceful and needs to be discouraged to preserve the WHM's dignity.


Dying
Let's face it, most WHMs are far less uber then you and thus their healing skills will, on occasion, fail to keep you alive. If you do die, it was because of a mistake the WHM made and has nothing to do with you going off by yourself while the rest of your team is back at camp buffing. It probably has something to do with the WHM being "gay" or "a homo" (or both), so you should do your best to warn the rest of your team that the WHM is "a gay homo" so they know to be careful. But, because some team members may not necessarily believe you, you must first prove your uberness by describing how long you have been playing for and then call the WHM a n00b. It helps if you swear, use ALL CAPS, and misspell everything. Not only will this encourage the WHM to try harder next time, but it will actually increase your chance that she'll want to team with you again. Note that if the WHM dies instead of you, she always appreciates messages that say "heal!!!" as she's sitting at the homepoint. It shows that you care, that you are paying attention, and that her heals are missed.


Getting WHM Buffs When Not Teamed
Walk up to a WHM (try to find one that looks busy) and say "REZ" or "PORTME!!1!" If there is no one else around, /tell the WHM instead of using shout, as most WHMs turn off shout. If you want Raise make sure to seek out a WHM between level 70 and 75 as higher level WHMs are harder to find.


WHM's Dictionary
When you team up with WHMs, you might hear them use some strange terms (such as WTF!?!) and this WHM Dictionary will help you translate them.

add: This is short for 'additional monsters needed' and is used when the monster you are fighting is an easy kill and the WHM feels the team can handle more. When you hear this, run into ajoining rooms and pull more monsters into the fight.

afk: This common term stands for "Attack, Fight, Kill" and is the WHM's way of telling you to go pull mobs.

brb: An acronym, this is short for "Boss Room Battle," and is a WHM's way of telling the team it's time to fight the dungeon or mission boss. Note that you will also sometimes see "afk brb," meaning the same thing.

out of mana: If your WHM says this after a fight, make sure you run three rooms down and start another major fight.

puller: The team's puller has the important job of "pulling" the team into fights. Usually this is accomplished by having an Elvaan THF SaTa a linking mob for 1/2 it's life onto the WHM. Note that the puller does not have to be the same person every time and it is often best if different people pull as to keep the WHM guessing who will drop to 1/3 their life and make her try to figure out what room they are in.

rez sick: When WHMs say they are rez sick, it means they are sick of dying and ressurecting and they want to go straight to the room in the mission that killed them the first time and start fighting. (note that this is also referred to as "reclaim sick").

tank: This is the person whose job it is to pull mobs to the WHM.

wait: "wait" is a bit tricky. While it sounds like the word "wait," as in 'stop,' what the WHM is really saying is a shortened version of "waste it all." meaning destroy everything in the area. WHMs will use this if they want you to start charging the mission.

WTF!?!: This means "Way To Fight" and is used to complement you on your brilliant tactical choices.


Note to WHMs
As a WHM, it is your job to keep everyone alive no matter what they do or what their job and armor are. Some WHMs claim it is only their job to assist teammates with heals and buffs and that it's ultimately up to each player to be responsible for himself, but that simply isn't true. A good WHM will be able to keep anyone alive regardless of what happens, and over 95% of all team deaths are due to a failure on the WHM's part. I'm sorry to let our secret out, but yes, we are miracle workers. I haven't ever lost a teammate and if you try real hard too, you will also keep everyone alive.

[Sigyn]

Oh wow, I haven't literally laughed out loud at a post in SO LONG.


my cow-orkers are looking at me crosseyed.

[Swipe]

I think too many people have read, and taken that seriously.. as it seems to be -exactly- what they do

—Swipe

[Kerriel]

AFK...ROFL

[Stephanie]

YAY!
My work here is done

[Golddess]

When you are forming a team and you decide that you do want a WHM, remember that most WHMs are desperate to find a team

I've gone for 2+ hours without an invite for experience

Walk up to a WHM (try to find one that looks busy) and say "REZ" or "PORTME!!1!" If there is no one else around, /tell the WHM instead of using shout, as most WHMs turn off shout.

Being the free tele-porter that I am, my reputation is getting ahead of me. Unfortunately that has caused 1 person to randomly /tell me "Hey, I need a port and was told to ask you." and would not take no for an answer.

[Meeyutu]

This is exactly why I stopped leveling WHM at 38 :) Makes an excellent subjob for BRD and BST :)

[Alya Mizar (Tsybil)]

It's the attitude that gets me. If I go RDM/WHM to be the primary, or only healer, its "Oh Tsybil can handle the job."

But when I go WHM/BLM its "Were safe!! We have a WHM!!"

[Rayn]

That is funny. Now if only so many people didn't think it was true!

[Couga]

lol..... thats the WHM code in asura.... used by 50% of them at least

[Kopopo]

Damn, it's like they interviewed me and published it!

[Cyndari]

OMG!! I cant believe that they found out what we really mean

I havent laughed out loud like that in awhile

That has got to be the best post I have seen on these bds to date

[Meeyutu]

I'll have to make one for BRD code :)

/p Mages only gather for Ballad and Minne

this really means mages rest as far away from each others and melees follow my every step.

[Ryuka]

Nice stuff, I actually laughed out loud after just waking up ^^

[xaresity]

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[xaresity]

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