How does one say Farewell?

angelstar107 · Post by **angelstar107** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 6:30 am

I know it's probably not the best place to post a thread like this one, but it's not like I had much of an option. I need to know how one says farewell to dreams.

I'm not quiting FFXI, or anything of that sort, so push that from your mind. This a personal question. Suppose, for an instant, you meet someone special, that unique special someone, and find truth happiness.... then have it slip through your fingers like grains of sand. The wind collects your sand and pulls it away, leaving you with nothing but your tears and sorrow... how does one say goodbye?

It's been almost three years since I let love slip away, like sand through my fingers, unto the wind... and for all this time, I've tormented myself so much. I haven't slept much, I cry myself to sleep when I do. I've stopped eatting in some cases, I've become gravely ill... I've lost my glow, my happiness, my joy, my innocence... all of this as punishment for letting love slip away like that, but no longer.

How does one say farewell to their love, who has long since said it to you? How you keep moving on, despite your flesh being torn from your body... I've set my burden down now, and I'm tearing myself away from it, but I just don't know how to say goodbye...

How does one say farewell?

Kintrra · Post by **Kintrra** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:37 am

well, just me personally, but I get kinda cold-hearted on the issue. Far as I'm concerned, my life goes on whether they're there or not. So I go back to being me. Moping and being sad doesn't do me any good, and it just drags me down further. So I guess you could say I look at it as "Get over it and move on"...which isn't always easy, obviously...

Sylphine · Post by **Sylphine** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 9:40 am

Once love is gone, you can't return to the old "you" before love comes in...

What I can say is don't give up...It's true that it can't be the same but you can't let it end here!

The more you try to forget, the deeper the memory will become...So I won't say "Forget it", but you'll have to "live with it". Let the good things remain in your memories, bad things : let it be the lesson. You absolutely can't forget it, but you can live with it without having to loss tears for it ever again.

I don't know how to say...but I loss my love around 2 years ago. I cried cried and cried, but still...I can't forget it, since then until now. Yes, I can't forget it, but I never cry for this story anymore after I cried until I have no tears left back then. (I cried for about 2 or 3 days, those are my despairate days.) And I never lose tears to this lost love ever since.

Post by **Sugami** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 10:58 am

My advice is to concentrate on the negatives, it's much better being furiously pissed off then heart broken.

For a good year after I was depressed and all that, stupidly I stayed friends with her as she wished it... long story short she lied to me about something pretty big and I've hated her ever since

to me the whole relationship was a lie and I told her that I never want to see her or talk to her ever again.
Yeah I'm still angry at her but it's a lot better then being heart-broken and feeling physically sick thinking about her with anyone else...

Might not work for you but it kinda does the trick for me.

Post by **Holydragoon** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 12:52 pm

strangely enough, a similar thing happened with me. A request to stay friends, an effort made by me to abide by the wish. Then I found out something, and I got quite angry. Only then was I able to return to my former self, though changed in some ways forever.

Took me 3 years to seriously date anyone again. I've found someone who is much better, someone who loves me back as much as I love them.

It is doable to go back to your old self, though you will likely have changed to some degree. The true "old you," is likely not ever going to exist again as you've been changed by the events of your lost love.

Post by **Alya Mizar (Tsybil)** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 4:05 pm

Cherish the love you once knew and good times you had. Morn for your loss. Dry your eyes, put on a brave little smile, go shopping. You can shop for something to make yourself feel better, a new pair of shoes, a fancy accessory for your car, a new b/f or g/f, whatever you need first.

Being in love is a truly wonderful feeling. I fall in love whenever I can. I like it way too much to cry over lost love for more than an hour or so. OK, maybe a week... no more, I swear.

Kailea · Post by **Kailea** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 4:31 pm

wish I had something to add, but ever time I fall in love (2 times so far) I have lost it because they ditch me

one for religen and one because she turn lesbian while off at collage -.- I know I dont have to much experiance, but both times I have lost, I have goten over it one way or another. Some times its hard to do so, but it can be done ^.^ cheer up and look at the brighter tomarrow :p and feel comfort in friends.

Blackroses · Post by **Blackroses** » Mon Mar 20, 2006 10:59 pm

Love? What is this Love? hmmm I must look into this. *em pulls out a book*

MittensValefor · Post by **MittensValefor** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 5:34 am

Wow. So sorry to hear about your loss. ;.;

....

Just know that there's someone who cares.

Post by **Yukira** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 5:50 am

Meh....never fallen in love so far. I'm just one of those people who can only dream about it.

angelstar107 · Post by **angelstar107** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 5:56 am

In some ways, it's better to not experience it... in others, it is better to experience it..

I can describe is like this

Love is a double edged knife with no handle. Hold it just right and you'll be fine. Mess up, and you cut yourself so deeply that the wound never heals.

Post by **Sugami** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 1:33 pm

Nice analogy

To all those who've said, "it's better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all." ... try it.

There is really no feeling worse and bad clichés are of no consolation.

angelstar107 · Post by **angelstar107** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 1:52 pm

Sugami wrote:Nice analogy

To all those who've said, "it's be to have loved and lost then not to love at all." ... try it.

There is really no feeling worse and bad clichés are of no consolation.

So true...

Post by **Yukira** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 4:09 pm

Sugami wrote:"it's better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all."

That's exatly what I believe with all my heart. And I know for sure that when/if I've loved and lost I'll think the same way. There just isn't anything I'd want as much...just a brief moment of happiness if nothing else.

AgentSeethroo · Post by **AgentSeethroo** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 4:42 pm

Love is tough, sometimes.

When you have it, sometimes you take it for granted...

When you lose it, there's a hole inside you that will never be filled by another person.

Sure, someone can come along and make you feel something like whole again...but that empty spot will always be tender...it'll always be sore when the breeze of memories blow across it.

I remember when I split up with my wife (my then girlfriend) for about half a year...Everything in me died. I didn't care about anything or anyone...I tried to be with other people, just to be used and use in return...

When we got back together, I realized the hole that was left in my heart was shaped just like her. She was the only one that could heal it.

As for "loving and losing"...just try it. You really have no idea what it's like to devote your life to someone and then walk away from them...It hardens you, makes you more cynical, more angry. At least it did for me.

Hold your head up, angel. I don't truly know your situation, and I can't pretend to. But I know how you feel, if that helps at all. Don't run from your feelings, but don't dwell on them too long. You have to realize that you're a special person that deserves happiness, and one day you'll be able to walk with your head high and your hand in the hand of the one you love...it may not be your lost love...but there's someone for everyone. That's my theory, at least.

Post by **Alya Mizar (Tsybil)** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 5:09 pm

Sugami wrote:To all those who've said, "it's better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all." ... try it.

There is really no feeling worse and bad clichés are of no consolation.

The joy of love is worth the pain of the loss. The only thing that gets me through that pain is the hope of new love to come.

angelstar107 · Post by **angelstar107** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:55 pm

Tsybil wrote:
Sugami wrote:To all those who've said, "it's better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all." ... try it.

There is really no feeling worse and bad clichés are of no consolation.
The joy of love is worth the pain of the loss. The only thing that gets me through that pain is the hope of new love to come.

Excuse me if I disagree... I found love and joy once upon a time. That love, like happiness and joy, faded into nothingness, leaving an unfillable hole in my essense. I miss my love so much that I would much rather die than leave this hole unfilled, but let me tell you, it's not easy to patch a hole as big as your own life. Hoping only does so much, but it never heals the wound. Time and Hope... they only dull the pain.

Kahvi · Post by **Kahvi** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:41 pm

angelstar107 wrote:
Tsybil wrote:
Sugami wrote:To all those who've said, "it's better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all." ... try it.

There is really no feeling worse and bad clichés are of no consolation.
The joy of love is worth the pain of the loss. The only thing that gets me through that pain is the hope of new love to come.
Excuse me if I disagree... I found love and joy once upon a time. That love, like happiness and joy, faded into nothingness, leaving an unfillable hole in my essense. I miss my love so much that I would much rather die than leave this hole unfilled, but let me tell you, it's not easy to patch a hole as big as your own life. Hoping only does so much, but it never heals the wound. Time and Hope... they only dull the pain.

The pain will subside over time with the hardening of the soul. But usually be for it gets that hard, I end up stuffing myself with food and plop down to play some video games to take my mind off of it.

Mods for games like DOOM or Duke Nukem are a great way to vent anger and get a laugh on occasion.

Nhiha · Post by **Nhiha** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 3:01 am

sadly this reminds me of a odd situation in my life. my best friend of 4 years, and probly the only person i have ever loved has admitted to me she loves me to but she has asked me to wait until this fall to go out with her. but then one week later i find out another friend of mine likes her to, and has told her so. so now im totaly uncomfortable around both of them. great dont you love life

Pheonixhawk · Post by **Pheonixhawk** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 5:53 am

Lets see. Well Im not sure if it was love that I was feeling or not. But there was this girl. My god she was perfect (well what I would consider perfect) And I was one of her greatest friends for 7 years. When we both got into high school we became ever better friends. Finnaly in the 12th grade I had the nerve to ask her out. We had known each other for so long, so why not. She was like the other half of me, that made me happy. But sadly she turned me down, becasue she just didnt like dating. Period. For the first time I felt....empty. Like a worthless shell. Ever since, Ive become even more anti-social, and just quit thinking about dating girls anymore. Even though my parents said Id grow up to be worthless all of my life, I didnt believe them until I got shot down. Was it love? maybe, but whatever it was It hurt. I can still feel it, and that was over 2 yrs ago.

Post by **Sugami** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 1:21 pm

Tsybil wrote:The joy of love is worth the pain of the loss. The only thing that gets me through that pain is the hope of new love to come.

I completely disagree aswell... yes there is no better feeling than "love" but when the inevitable happens it completely overshadows that brief moments of happiness. And Yukira you'll find this out for yourself one day and change your mind.

You can love another, at least I really hope so, there is no one person for you just some that are more suited then others. You can't safeguard yourself from this kind of pain or you might end up missing out on something, only think you can really do is keep on going.

Someone I knew once said "the best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else." I think there's truth to that just not taken completely literally

you can only really get over someone if you find someone else even though you will probably never completely get over your "lost love".

Interesting fact; the Japanese for "love" is "dai suki" literally meaning "great like"... so what's the difference between like and love? Nothing in my opinion, love is a form of like just one is more than the other.

Post by **Yukira** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 1:43 pm

No I won't. Sure, it'll hurt like hell but still I can comfort myself with the fact that there *is* someone and the fact that it can't hurt much more than this. I don't expect you to understand, since you haven't been alone your whole life like I have. Do you think I feel complete? Guess again...

I'd rather find someone to love and die in a few years than spend the rest of my life alone.

Post by **Sugami** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 3:35 pm

May not have been alone my whole life but I have most definately been lonely for the most part. In the words of Bon Jovi "Just because I'm not alone doesn't mean I'm not lonely."

Though finding someone may make you feel whole or close to it, losing them will make you feel even less complete then you did before. It's one step forward and two steps back.

How old are you? 15-18? I'm 23, the best years of my life are behind me and they sucked.

Post by **Yukira** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 4:51 pm

Well, there you go. You've had someone and you know, at least deep down, that you can be with someone again someday. I don't have that luxury. Or if you just don't think that way, try imagining being *alone* as in 'no relationship of any kind' in my age.

As for the question about my age, I turned 25 last september.

Geez, you're starting to sound like 'I feel worse than you' as in 'My dad has bigger hammer than your dad and I'm older than you!'...

Anyway, all I originally wanted to say is that being alone is really no way better than the sorrow of having lost someone. Try imagining it this way: would you prefer that you never would've had parents rather than having them and losing them someday?

Post by **Alya Mizar (Tsybil)** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 4:59 pm

Sugami wrote:How old are you? 15-18? I'm 23, the best years of my life are behind me and they sucked.

I am 61. The best years of my life.... well there were a few of them. Two in my teens*, several in my 20s, my 30s and 40 were loadded with fine years, and there were at least two in my 50s. I am looking foward to a few more best years before I shuffle off this mortal coil.

At 23 your best years are still ahead of you.

*But not one in High School.

Post by **Sugami** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 5:30 pm

61? Holy moly you're older than my parents

My friend tells me, "at least you've had experiences," to which I'll reply, "no experiences are better than bad experiences."

As for knowing that I'll be with someone again that's wrong. I don't have that luxury either in fact quite the opposite. I don't know why you haven't had anyone yet, may be various reasons, but when you've been with someone for over a year and a half and they don't return your feelings... untop of all the past rejections and whatnot... just makes you give up all hope.

I don't mean to sound so negative... no actually I do. It's hard to be positive when you've had my experiences.
And yes I guess it is kinda "I'm more depressed then you" kinda thing... I generally believe everyone else has a better chance at this whole L-word thing than I do.

Post by **Alya Mizar (Tsybil)** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:36 pm

Sugami wrote:61? Holy moly you're older than my parents

In game I can casually say "I am older than your parents" to anyone I meet. I know of one person on Garuda older than I.

Sugami wrote:And yes I guess it is kinda "I'm more depressed then you" kinda thing... I generally believe everyone else has a better chance at this whole L-word thing than I do.

Ooooo... I still know of LOTS of depressing songs from my Beatnick folksinger days. Typical plot; boy meets girl, she wants to get married, he wants to get lost. They compromise, he kills her. A great depressing song is "And the Band Played 'Watzing Matilda'", check it out. Or most anything by Lenard Choen (Spelling?) even his happy songs sound depressed.

angelstar107 · Post by **angelstar107** » Wed Mar 22, 2006 11:47 pm

My, we deviated far from the topic...

Tianshii · Post by **Tianshii** » Thu Mar 23, 2006 12:31 am

Angelstar- things will never be the "same". If you want to feel better, bask in the sun. That's what kitties do. That's what I do IRL. There is something comforting about the sun's rays. Warms me through and through. Or- color. Get some crayons and a coloring book! Go to the park, sit outside and COLOR. Sound childish? I'm 28... I do this still. It feels good and silly and fun.

Seems like you need some good silly fun.

Tsybil wrote:I am 61.

Tsybil wins the biggest hammer prize!!

Post by **Sugami** » Thu Mar 23, 2006 1:24 pm

Tsybil wrote:
Sugami wrote:61? Holy moly you're older than my parents
In game I can casually say "I am older than your parents" to anyone I meet. I know of one person on Garuda older than I.

Older than you? ZOMG must be a grandad or something